battlefield

I'm determined to get over the blogging lull I've given in to.  I've been wanting to get these thoughts down on "paper" for almost a month.  Disclaimer:  Mace and I celebrated our 5th anniversary this month and love each other (and, really, are each other's faves...on a good day ;)).  This post is a small culmination of work we've done in the past three years as well as what we're doing now.

A few weeks ago, I read somewhere, "love is not a fight..."(referring to the marriage kind of love) and it got the squeaky wheels in my head turning.  I really disagree with that statement(though I know where they writer was going with it).  Our relationship or, rather, growing, preserving, and protecting(with liberty and justice for all) our relationship (especially once it became a marriage) is at least one of the greatest fights of our lives.  No matter where we turn, there is opposition.  Advertising, movies, social media, work, kids, friends, money, hobbies.  And not even half of it's negative influence.  Our lives are full.  We have to fight for our sacred alone time.  For sacred family time.  The sexed up society we live in, that is full of sexually driven advertising and a Golden Corral-style buffet of visual pleasure, threatens to swallow us whole, and drive us apart.  The scariest part of it all?  It happens without us even noticing.  We think we're doing the "right" things - providing for our family, parenting, investing in the lives of others, and at the end of the day, there is no time for each other.  So we put it off.  Again, and again, and again.  And all of a sudden, "they're not the person I fell in love with," and it's an end.  And it changes not only the present and certainly the future, but also the past.

You know the point in your workout/run where you're dripping with sweat and you are past the point of exhaustion, but you have to keep going?  And then once you've invested your time/energy, you're stronger and more centered and SO glad you pushed through the muck of last night's junky meal, scary attack dog, your lack of hydration, mosquitoes feasting, and the suffocating Georgia humidity?  When it's worth every exhausting minute?  Sometimes, that's how I picture marriage:  Fighting against all of our shortcomings(individual and mutual) and outside noise and direct attacks on the strength and resilience of  and peace in our marriage.  It's a battlefield out there.  We're fighting for our family and for our marriage.  On my first post-delivery run, I borrowed my baby sister's ipod(I think it made me a Belieber) and Jordin Sparks said we better get our armor.  And, by George(who's George??), we've got it....or, well, we're getting it.  Our most crucial pieces of armor consists of mentors - pivotal people in our lives who challenge us and hold us accountable, and people we can lean on, our relationships with Jesus, and spiritual, physical, and emotional health.  We're working really hard on the health part these days.  Counseling, people, counseling.  Thank GOD for counseling (for REAL, it is so important)!  We're digging in and working through crap with our therapist and we're resolute.  Despite all of our baggage and the noise that tries(and in the past we've allowed to) force a wedge between us.  We will survive...hey, hey.

i hope i always get butterflies when i see your wedding band on your finger

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what we're seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me

You’ll always be love’s great martyr
I'll be the flattered fool
& I need you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered
I could baby, never undo

adore you, babe...thankful for four years of marriage to my soul mate, lover, best friend, biggest fan, partner, sanity, inspiration, advocate, and father of my children. i love you always and forever. happy anniversary.

Nine Years

Nine years ago today, I stuck out my awkward 14 year old hand and said, "Hey (yeah, I know, it's for horses, but I'm from Georgia, ya'll!), my I'm Brei..." Then to be even cooler (because I wasn't), when Mace said, "hey, I'm Mace," I said, "yeah, I know!" SO glad the teen years are OVER for us! That day, both of our lives changed forever, and even though I wasn't exactly "feeling it," Mace sure knew we were "meant to be." So glad he had the guts to act his instincts...pretty sure we are each the reason the other one of us is here today!

I have a bunch of embarrassing pictures of us that are pretty dang funny, but am having the hardest time getting to them.  Did I mention my computer is on the fritz?  SO. FRUSTRATING.  HOWEVER, I adore Mace, and am so thankful for our relationship and all that we have been through, endured, and enjoyed together.  And am equally grateful that we both have a better(at least we think so) sense of style and have better hair...just wait for the pictures.

Also, so this post won't be photo-less, here's a picture not quite as old as the one's I'm digging up.  Some great new friends of ours here just had a beautiful baby girl (Congrats, Brandon and T.J.!), so that along with the fact that our baby is almost TWO has led me to reminisce a lot lately.

How presh is that little scowly face?  Gah, love this kid!

All because two awkward teenagers met at an SHS basketball game...

Summary of our Year(s)

For the Christmas card(HAH, it's January 5 and they are STILL waiting for stamps) crowd, and for those who are getting to know us here in Kentucky, I thought I'd give you a little background on the three of us...sort of nerdy Christmas newsletter-style.  I'll start in 2006.  Maybe it won't be much background after all...maybe just a little something to break the ice?  Oh well...

2006
Mace's last semester of undergrad(he credits his internship with Clayton County DFACS for his disenchantment with Human Relations, aka, Psychology/Counseling/Sociology), Brei's wisdom teeth gone(hello, dry sockets!), The Christian Minstrels(think, The Sing-Off),Wedding dress number 2, nannying, Mace's graduation(college), Abby's graduation(highschool), Dad's retirement(from teaching in GA, not teaching in general), 12-week internship crammed into 5 & 1/2, July 12thdreambeachwedding, honeymoon in The Poconos(MUCH hotter than you would expect the mountains to be in July....yes, I know, July...but still), ACC Security, barista(Mace) in the Sweet Auburn Curb Market, senioritis, marital bliss, Brei's puppy (kept him 6 weeks), CarMax, first holidays married.

2007
Bought and built (to suit) our first house in January, graduated in May, moved in weekend after graduation, more nannying, counselor for a week at Woodland(good thing I didn't plan on being a career camp counselor), and got a "PREGNANT" on July 11 - Happy 1st Anniversary!  Nausea 24/7 for 20-ish weeks, manager at McKinney's at ACC, trip to Jordan while 25 weeks preggers (being with fam made the stupid long flight totally worth it), bickering, Mace still loving CarMax and on the fast track to management.  Exciting times...last holidays sans-kids!

2008
Pre-term labor, marital distance, making new friends, early "maternity leave," nesting (a LOT of nesting), March19-Ace was born!  Post-partum craziness, selfishness, CarMax sales spiral downward, beach, hypothyroidism(oh, THAT'S why I was going bald), jealousy, bitterness, insults, divorce threats, breakthroughs, appreciating the little things, backtracking and starting small, Titus' wedding!  decide to move to Kentucky (planning to pursue grad school - Mace), treasuring our moments, re-learning to enjoy each other's company, put house on the (dead) market, Ace's first holidays...so precious!

2009
House won't sell, ear infection, exhaust all other options, ear infection, car sales go in the toilet, Ace turns 1! ear infection, OCD and panic attacks sky rocket, Abby's wedding! ear infection, debt is beyond overwhelming, begin treatment for OCD and panic attacks (amaaaazing psychiatrist!),ear infection, bankruptcy becomes our only option, ear infection, moved to Kentucky, ear infection, begin to get settled, find Southland(thrilled!!), unity, peace in our marriage, ear infection, enjoying time together, ear infection, taking it all in, loving our boy, choosing to love each other and to love Christ every day, making new friends (finally!), a LOT of traveling for the holidays, some sickness but NO ear infections!  Christmas in Ohio with SNOW!  Contemplating what the future will bring...

Right now, Mace is a floating assistant store manager for two tire stores around Lexington and we are anxious to see what's next!  We are immensely grateful for the "fresh start" we've been given, and the chance to get back on our feet.  Shame on us if we go a day without thanking and praising God for our wonderful support system that has given us a place to LIVE!  We are all three desperate for more time with each other and time to dig in and serve at church!  We miss our friends and family greatly and value each of you in our lives.  Thank you for the role you have had in where and who we are today!  Looking so forward to see what we're "really" here in Kentucky for!