[a lot] about a boy

I wanted a girl.  I mean, longed to have a daughter.  I still do, actually.  And i'm okay with that.  I thought Ace was a girl before we knew and was disappointed when we found out the gender, but this time it has taken me a lot longer to get over it.  I just let out the longest sigh of relief.  This is hard to admit but even harder not to.  It goes far beyond missing out on the cute clothes, shoes, and hair accessories and jewelry.  Don't try to tell me boys' clothes are as cute as girls.  They just aren't.  It's got a lot to do with not having offspring that I could inherently relate to...that I could share fun girlie things with and get to doll up.  And so much more...it's hard to explain.  I just long to relate to offspring of the same sex.  There's something so beautiful about it.  But also so beautiful about learning about and loving and relating to all that is different about the opposite sex.  I can learn about and love tractors and dinosaurs and cars and trucks and construction equipment.  I do, in fact...because my boy loves them.  But there was that hope that girlie things that I love and have learned about and could teach with "ease."  I love this baby and love being pregnant this time so much more than the first, even though it has taken a huge toll on my body.  There is an ease but also a heightened anxiety that come with knowing what to expect.  And, everything can be so different, too.  I had the greatest heart-to-heart with my ob last week about the gender disappointment.  She is wonderful.  I am so thankful for her and her heart.  She is the most caring and most empathetic and understanding doctor I could hope for.  I know I'll love this baby just as much as I've always loved and continue to love Ace, despite, and maybe because he's a boy.   

and even though we didn't get great shots of his face, i cannot keep myself from falling in love with this tiny babe.  and i am so glad he is a boy.

 

Axl/Axel Phoenix

Axel/Axl means peace and source of life. And Phoenix, of course, is the mythological bird that rises from the ashes(did you read my last post?).  This past year or so, we have had such an emotional, spiritual, physical, financial, and marital "rising out of the ashes."  His mere existence means so much to and for our family.  He really has been much more peaceful in utero than Ace was, too...fingers crossed?!  But we are seriously so excited to meet him and see what an amazing kid he's going to be.  Oh, and I bought his going home outfit Friday.  First thing I've bought the entire pregnancy, which is huge for me.  I love it and am just aching to hold him in it.  Thanks, God.

PS Don't worry, before we bring him home from the hospital we'll decide on one spelling of his first name...and it's probably gonna take us THAT long to decide!