conversations with Ace about cancer and death.

Experiencing the death of a loved one is pretty inevitable, but I was for sure not ready for Ace to get so close to it.  I'm putting these convos here because I want to remember what we said...

(day before Mace's granddad passed away)
Brei:  Hey, Ace, guess what?  Great granddad is so, so sick...he's sick with cancer. 
Ace:  cansuw?
Brei:  Yeah...cancer is an evil, evil kind of sick.  He's so sick he can't live at his house with Great Grandmother and Uncle Don anymore...
(then we said we would go visit him and talked about songs we would sing for him when we were planning to go visit him)

the next morning, Great Granddad passed away...
Brei:  hey buddy?  Remember how mommy told you that Great Granddad got so, so sick with cancer?
Ace:  (concern on his face) yes?
Brei: buddy, the cancer made Great Granddad so sick that his body stopped working and he died. (greater concern) his body stopped working and he died, so we won't see him anymore.  his body wasn't working because of the cancer, but guess what?  NOW, he's in Heaven with Jesus, and he isn't sad or sick, only happy with Jesus!!
Ace:(elation written all over his face)  oh YEAH!  DEN(then), he be happy!! Geat Ganddad no sick cansuw anymo'!


Brei:  did you know it's okay to be sad because we miss Great Granddad?  sometimes we might cry because we're sad because we miss him.  and that's normal and okay for people to cry if we miss someone.
Ace:  You no cry, no be sad!  You be happy! 
Brei:  it's okay...all of us might be sad sometime, but we'll be happy again because we love him and we remember him. (then we talked about who would be around and who would be sad)
Ace:  DEN, I hug 'em and DEN, no be sad anymo'!
Brei: it is so, so sweet to give hugs when we're sad...that does help us to not be as sad!
Ace:  I hug Mimi and Geat Gandma and den they be happy!
Brei:  it would really help Mimi and Great Grandmother to be happy if you hugged them...they would love that!

on our way to the visitation (which was open casket and we didn't know it would be until we got into town)...
Brei:  Ace, remember that Great Granddad got so sick with cancer, and that his body stopped working and he died?
Ace: yeah...
Brei: well, when he died- agh, this is so silly - when he died, the happy part of him, and the kind part of him...the part of him that feels went to be with Jesus.  So he is happy with Jesus!  And his body stopped working and he doesn't need his old body in Heaven!
Ace: oh... 
Brei: well, we're going to a place that's called a funeral home - can you say funeral home?
Ace:  fune-aahh home
Brei: right! we're going to the funeral funeral home and because his body stopped working and he died and the happy part of him went to heaven, we're going to bury his old body that doesn't work anymore in the ground.  he doesn't need his body anymore, so burying it is kind of like when we throw it away.(sounds harsh, but it's the best way I could think of to help facilitate a 3 year old's understanding of the separation of his loved one's spirit and the vacant body he would soon be face to face with).  because he doesn't need it in Heaven with Jesus.
Ace:  he be happy with Jesus?
Brei:  Yes!  and when we go to the funeral home, his old, broken body that stopped working...will be there, in what's called a casket.  it's a box that will hold his body under ground...because he's not in it anymore.  we will see his body that doesn't work anymore, and it will look like Great Granddad, but he won't be in his body.  the happy part of him, the part that feels, went to Heaven with Jesus.

Little guy wanted to know if GG could talk when he saw the body, so we went through the whole thing again.  Ace seeing the body was hard.  And he was crazy bouncing off the walls, and even took Spiderman on a jog across a low side of the casket, but Great Grandmother said he was fine...

I'm exhausted writing and reading this, but I was winging it and promise he really seemed to comprehend more than I anticipated or even hoped he would be able to.

Ace has been the sweetest, most loving little doll with everyone the past week...he is very attentive to others' emotions and is quick to want to hug someone who is sad.  We also tell him that being sad is okay...because we miss Great Granddad.  I've been astounded at how much he seems to comprehend. So awful seeing him encounter a vacant body for the first time, but I think he needed it...and it was hard to avoid it.  Praying for his innocence and childlike spirit to be preserved through this...